Social Boundaries

I have gone on several dates here recently that have left me thinking about the dynamics of meeting people in general. It has all left me wondering...Have I been made calloused and cynical or is this the "social norm"? Now, I am not be the worlds most "normal" person. But who wants that title? I most certainly don't like fitting into any particular mold too well. "Normal," to me, implies that I'm satisfied with the mundane, the status quo, and mediocrity.
Although I normally run from normality, I still expect certain normalities to be apparent in people I just met. Maybe this is just something that I have invented, but being it that these days hardly any idea formed is really of the original nature, I highly doubt it. But I believe that there do exist certain widely accepted "social boundaries" for dating, as well as for friendships.
I have found here recently that too many people over-step those boundaries with little, or no regard for their actions; myself included in this group.
So what are these boundaries, you might ask; so as to avoid the public and private humiliation that is accompanied by making such moves?
For starters, in the dating world...there are certain things that one can do in order to not come off as being "desperate." These are very simple, yet so often disregarded. On a recent date, the girl (I'll call her "Amber" to protect her identity) came off as too aggressive. Amber seemed to be coming on to me too strong and WAY too soon. PEOPLE!!! LISTEN TO ME!!! The first date is typically a time to act DISINTERESTED. It is an interview, a try-out, it's the point where you mark your tablet and compare your date to your standards. This is a time that you test out how much "chat chemistry" you have with them, how much physical attraction you have, but NOT when you decided if you want a relationship with them!!! A RELATIONSHIP (at least of the healthy kind, anyway) is something that DEVELOPES...it's not something that can be forced. With time, and a good deal of energy, you earn and give trust and learn to accept the other person's pro's with their con's, and how they interact with your own. You set new standards and new boundaries as time goes on; as your relating with this other person begins to change you into a better and more mature person. Change (of the maturing kind) is a good tail sign that your relating to that other person is worth your time.
But back to the first few dates...and avoiding coming off as desperate. Don't push your date into a "conversation corner". If they are uncomfortable in talking about a certain topic, be curtious and avoid it...change the subject. Remember that when someone doesn't want to talk about something, it's usually something you don't have a right to know yet anyway. Remember...you have to EARN trust...and that takes time. Next, you should avoid laying down hints that they are certain to "score" with you that same night. No one wants to date a tramp long-term...not even a tramp. But hey...if all you're looking for is one to a few good nights of sex...that's all you'll get out of being too physically aggressive the first few dates. Oh...and if you get lucky this way...remember that means the other person is desperate! Then there are the endearing remarks that you should avoid giving to or calling the other person by....like "sugar", "baby", "honey", "pookie", "sweetie"...well, sweetie isn't so awful, "honey-bunny", etc...after just a few dates. Don't give a person too much too soon, or they will run with it...and I mean run away LITERALLY. If you feel like you hit it off well with someone right off the bat...it's best to call them "turd" or "dork"...poke some fun about something they did that was cute but somewhat embarrassing if you're going to call them anything.
Alrighty, and before you head off to date people...make sure you have your standards straight...so you won't compromise them. Also, GET A LIFE! Yes, develop into the person you want to be, and make your life into YOUR life! Another big turn-off is when you know the person you're dating is trying to just mold into whatever you're looking for that they are not, or they automatically start integrating their whole life to revolve around yours. So, if you set standards for the person you want to be with...work on being that person yourself. In the end, not only will you end up with the kind of person on your list, but you will also be that kind of person on their list. Wouldn't you want to actually satisfy someone else's list?
Oh, and don't make a comprehensive list...no one is perfect, and if you're looking for perfection...you're just going to be headed for a long line of disappointment.

With all that said...
Here's My list of standards (not a comprehensive list):
1. Has faith on a deeper level that they won't compromise for ME and is very compassionate and charismatic
2. Likes me as I am, but encourages me or inspires me in some way into a better person than I already am, and I do the same for them
3. Has good conversational skills...someone who can express their thoughts and feelings to me freely and likes to talk about a variety of topics and can keep up with my gabbing...but starts off slow and doesn't open up too much too soon.
4. Is self-confident but not arrogant or ignorant about it, and can accept criticism and compliments as well as deliver them with sincerity and compassion. Someone with whom I can make it through a disagreement, argument, misunderstanding, and/or fight and our connection become stronger from it instead of fall apart.
5. Has a good sense of humor...wide-range sense of humor...sometimes dry, sometimes slap-stick, sometimes cynical, sometimes dirty...not afraid to tell me my joke sucks and laugh about that...or to laugh about their joke sucking
6. Likes to have fun, but also knows when to be serious
7. Independent, self-made, hard-working, but also hard-loving (not hard to love, but loves hard) 8. Doesn't have to get drunk, get high, or get laid just to have a good time
9. Knows how to be and is a good friend...to their friends, and to me
10. Has goals and works to achieve them...even if they change their mind on what their goals actually are
11. Isn't perfect and doesn't believe that they are either
12. Puts at least some effort into how they look to look good for themselves as well as for me, but is not so concerned about what others think
13. Is highly attractive to me (usually personality plays largely on how I see a person), and is highly attracted to me (who I AM, not just how I look)


**and some extras that I'd like but not everyone can fit all of the above and still have all of the following:
X) Likes a wide range of music and arts, likes to dance
Y) and has some rhythm (this is a huge turn-on for me)
Z) Likes sports, being active, and trying new things (I really want to find someone that likes to explore the not-so-boring side of life with me, and even try some challenging things that neither of us has ever done before)

-Co-brainstormed by Marian