 | When things just fall into place and your reflect and smile :)
Current mood:  chipper This blog was initially written as a response to someone else's blog. It has been altered to fit my current thoughts and feelings on the same subject matter.
Life is about growth, which is wonderful, though not always easy. Indeed, many of life's lessons can be painful or difficult. Yet, such challenges are often the ones that present the most opportunity for personal growth. Initiations for growth come in many forms...the best form being people that come into your life. It's taken me a long time to be able to view each person in my life as a challenge and as an opportunity to learn and grow, though. Those disruptions in life have never been easy, but I have always looked back and found them as having been necessary. The challenges have seemed unbearable at times: like a job I didn't want to spend another day at, a broken heart that felt as if it would never heal, a long and painful illness...I've experienced many more than just those. But then, there were the challenges that were just as scary because of being called to step up to the plate in ways that I thought I was not yet ready for: like overcoming my fears in order to realize a lifelong dream, leaving behind a situation or people in my life that I have outgrown, moving across the world and fighting in a war I did not agree with, or compromising my ways for a partner.
At such times as these, it felt as if the world was testing me and that life was asking more of me than I thought I could give. I felt uncomfortable, frightened, and unsure of what to do. Letting go of old safety measures, shifting old patterns of behavior, and stepping into the abyss of the unknown have been the toughest things I have had to face. Yet always when I have risen to the occasion, I have ended up better off for having made that journey. I inevitably became more compassionate to the challenges of others and wiser in the ways of the world. My faith in my family, my close friends, loved ones, and in God has grown over the last few years because, ultimately, I haven't been able to help but realize how much I have been supported and taken care of at all times! I can't always tell what I need to learn, and I can't always tell why a certain person is in my life. But it has been guaranteed that there is always SOMETHING that I need to learn. There's a lesson there that I haven't grasped, and life is giving me every opportunity to get it right. The next relationship I will be in will be different from the ones I've had in the past.—What I mean by that is I seem to be wanting something better than I've had…something for the long-haul. Given the expectations of what I'm wanting, of course I am not going to be satisfied with anything less! I don't always know what it is that makes me "tick". I don't always know what gives me that feeling of excitement, awe, amazement and curiosity in a person. But I do know that I could have sat down and written the exact same words above on any given day within the last several months. I feel the exact same way still. I have fallen for the same kind of people, and had the same kind of people fall for me (I returned no feelings towards, or there was something off about the reciprocity).—Most of them have have all had a lot to offer, and many I'm sure would have done everything in the world to "make me happy," but I would have never allowed for that. In my case, I have had many things that I have had to prove to myself that I am capable of. I have always been highly goal-oriented, and very independent.—So, naturally I have wanted to conquer all my dreams. My first thought is that I have fallen for these types that have not reciprocated because deep down I knew that things were never going to go anywhere…therefore I would never have to alter my dreams or ambitions for them…I would never have to compromise myself! I have been picky too. I realize now that although it's good to be picky, at the same time, one should consider the options they have, and the people in their life. And think hard about what is more important...that they embody the exact idea one has in their head of a "love-story" or that together they can share a happy and fulfilled life? I say this and go back to my statement before about not having to compromise myself... The absense of compromises is the death of all relationships. At the same time, the presense of compromises is the growth of all relationships. Other relationships have taken precedence in my life BEFORE a romantic relationship has been able to be my priority. --That being my family…and there has always been enough to be worked on there to keep me plenty occupied. I have always felt like your family relationships need to be healthy and welcoming enough to successfully accept a new non-blood related member. When you marry someone, you not only marry them, but their family as well. In the past, I never felt like my family life was warm enough to welcome a life-partner into…and I know that's one of the biggest reasons why none of my relationships have ever reached their true potential.—Although most of the people I have been with have embodied many of the qualities that I still look for in a life-long relationship. The fuel to the growth of my relationship with my parents was not some magical story...it was a long-term committment I made to sacrifice and make compromises. I forgave, what they never asked forgiveness for...and in turn, they made changes. Nothing would have ever gotten better, though, without one party making the decision to sacrifice and compromise. We are all the same people; just better at compromising. About the "feeling ready"…I have come to conclude that NO…you can never truly be "ready" for that right person. If you were "ready," then you wouldn't need anyone. People come into your life to make you grow into a better person! I still have many lessons to learn, and many things to change about myself. This ig going to be a continuing and life-long process. Although so many things still need to be changed, I know what I am NOT lacking is potential, passion, and desire to do so. I think those things count for most growth in life. Without the desire to do so, one can never experience actual life-altering growth. So, am I "looking" for that "right" person? No. Am I open for the "right" person…absolutely! And am I the person I want to be? Yes. I am. Yet, there's always room for change and growth!
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