 | Relating I look around and see my friends, family and co-workers dealing with the ups and downs, the headaches but most of all the heartaches. All of this for the one thing that we search for, the one thing we want and the first thing we so easily dispose of when life isn't perfect…A relationship. Relationships have become like every other piece of electronic equipment today, they aren't built like they used to and they quickly become disposable or outdated. No one works on what's broken anymore because it's far too easy to just throw the whole thing away and get something new. Maybe it's because relationships today aren't really built on true love or trust—the basic foundations required to have a good healthy relationship. What I find to be all too common is that one party is more interested in the relationship than the other. The under-interested member agrees to a relationship for selfish reasons; to keep someone where another wants or needs them until something else comes along. People start and end relationships too quickly. Why? I believe fear motivates people. Women are led by their emotions, they become easily vulnerable allowing themselves at their weakest point to believe or not care why another person wants to be with them. People want so badly to believe they are worthy of another's love so whether they believe the person or not (or whether the feeling is mutual or not), they often decide to stick around hoping for it to show up. Both parties see something in the other person that they themselves do not have but want to possess. Regardless of whether it is for physical, emotional or mental reasons it comes down to just one thing, selfishness; doing whatever benefits them with little regard for the other. It is this fear that drives them to use whatever means necessary to keep the person. Sometimes waiting is too high a risk. If you are a good person, you stick around longer to spare feelings (but which plays into their game), or at least pause long enough to convince yourself that this could be real and actually work. So you spend your days hoping and waiting for those feelings to develop, either in yourself or the other person. Through your own desire to feel needed or wanted you eventually talk yourself into staying around. At first you are showered with affection and attention, life is perfect but as the days go by you realize something just doesn't feel right and you don't know why. Finally you find out what made you feel that way, because somehow you could sense the warning signs, even though everything was going so well. You convinced yourself into believing or wanting to believe something that wasn't real.
Today people have become like cabbage patch dolls when they first came out. In the beginning people fought for them, doing or saying whatever it took to get them. Grabbing ahold of them tightly so no one would take them away because for now its something they just had to have and others wanted. Having gone to great lengths to acquire it, they take it home, play with it for a short while, grow bored with it and realize that maybe they didnt want it after all. Then with little thought, push it aside as they bring home the next new gadget to play with, and the cycle continues. Which now brings me to trust. Why can't we just be honest with each other? I am not saying I'm perfect and that I have never omitted or lied about something. At some point in your life you realize what it will take to make a relationship work. What you want, what you need and what you will or will not put up with. Most of all you learn love and relationships are built on trust and hard work and that it takes two people wanting the same thing to make it work. To love is to trust and to trust is to love and often neither comes easy. This is even harder if one or both of you have had your trust broken in the past. No one is perfect, everyone has baggage and no one likes drama. The reality is we are all human, we make mistakes, and we all have baggage. The answer is to admit, accept and learn from our mistakes. Continuing to make the same mistakes will keep you on that merry-go-round of failed relationships. Learn that compromise works better than getting your way, or ending a good and trusting relationship for such a miniscule thing. Learn to pack your baggage away for good and learn to be patient, supportive and help the other as they pack theirs. The final thing is know that it's never too late to learn new things, especially from one another. A good relationship should be based on friendship; one that you can talk about and share anything. I speak from experience and my mistakes…and believe me I have had plenty of both! I've had relationships come and go like the seasons, up and down and on again off again. So much that after awhile I've gotten used to the ups and downs and it's become familiar. Just when it can't get worse...the spinning stops and the madness ends. You meet someone else and find yourself in another relationship. This one is not like the others, no fighting, no issues totally unfamiliar territory. You stand there in bewilderment. You don't know if what you had was normal or what you have is abnormal. So you just go with the flow keeping your wits about you. But just when you begin letting your guard down, it happens and once again, it ends. Now this only makes matters worse because your views about relationships become even more bitterly clouded. You think, I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't. You stand there scratching your head trying to figure it out and all you can do is reflect on the new lesson you just learned and all those from the past. You rebuild that hard protective wall around you, but perhaps a little slower this time. Still, you are just waiting for the next storm to come. You learn that people will tell you anything to get inside your head and heart. You learn that you don't have to ask questions to know what a person is thinking or feeling. God created a window into the soul of person through their eyes. For the truth, for passion, for a glimpse of who and what a person is all about…look into their eyes, behind those crystal balls lie all the answers. If they can't look you in the eyes, they usually have something to hide, something they do not want you or anyone else to see.—Could be a lie, guilt, shame, or even the truth. Could be that they themselves don't feel their own worth and that who they are on the inside isn't good enough for them or anyone else.
Some relationships start out good but because of various reasons they fail. Whether it's because of laziness and the failure to work on issues. The worst thing to see is the passion in a relationship burn out like a candle. You meet, fall for each other and every time you look into your lovers eyes you see the feeling is mutual. As you stare deep into those eyes you see them filled with this brilliant light, the kind that pierces your soul to the core and makes you weak at the knees. Then one day you look deep into those same eyes hoping to find that same spark you once saw only to stare into a blocked door... and this is when you realize that what you had has been discarded. The challenge in keeping a relationship together is for both parties to learn how to keep and maintain that light inside burning for each other. If trust really exists in the relationship, some things are worth fighting for and you should do whatever it takes to keep it. Well let me get off my soapbox, I've rambled long enough. I will admit just typing this has helped me. Every now and then I just need a new jolt to realize that life's too short to spend wasting needless energy dwelling on the past. Although, I do try to move forward taking as much as I can from the lessons of the past. I can rest in peace every night after relationships are over because I can honestly say that the old saying is true...what goes around does eventually come back around and Karma is the biggest, baddest bitch you will ever meet. So if one day I wake up to find myself in the middle of the same games…I won't allow the wool to be pulled over my eyes so easily. I will make an extra effort to keep ahead of the reindeer games and be smarter. ;) 8:34 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove |
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