I'm finding it difficult right now to set my priorities in order. My life is a Catch 22...I am in the Army (and have no way out for the next 3+ years). I also am in school, and have about 2+ years left on a 5 year degree. I also work full-time. I have bills to pay, obligations to meet, and dreams to achieve. I can't back out of any of these things except for school. So, what do I do? Do I slow it down? Take 3+ years instead to finish? Man, this makes me feel like such a failure. But am I really? I mean, I have afforded all my expenses, and school without aquiring any real debt. Is that a real achievement? Should I feel proud of this matter or should I attempt to finish college like the rest of the American public and take out student loans? This is tough for me. I was raised on the principle that you do not use money that you do not have to make purchases. I had no understanding of this until I ruined my credit at an early age, and spent the last 7 years recovering from that. Now my credit is decent, and I have also been able to aquire wealth. I worked so hard to get here. Should I really risk everything for a piece of paper that says I'm capable of what I set my mind to? Have I not already proven that? Who is this paper really for? For myself? For my parents? For society? For whatever reason, it IS important to ME. I think, though, I may have a different perspective than before on it. The degree doesn't define me. I don't have to get it to prove anything to anyone. I just want it so that I can say, "I had a dream, and I achieved it!" But I've had many dreams already that I have achieved. Should then I focus on the RIGHT NOW more than the THEN?
Reason for this pondering is the conversation I had with my stepmom this afternoon. I got approved for a hefty mortgage, and also for a luxury apartment. As of right now, I live with my parents and have done so comfortably until about the last half a year. I feel cramped. I need space to have more organization, and to spread my wings and fly. I have so many hobbies and interests that I find myself unable to do due to space constraints. I would like to have my own place to have an art studio so that I can paint more. I want to be able to write in peace without the TV on next door to my bedroom and me having no say in its volume. I want to come home and be able to cook gourmet meals like I once did for 4 years before leaving for 2 years. I want to be able to decorate more than a 10' by 10' room. I want my own furniture again. I want my own little yard (or patio/balcony) to sit in. I want to be able to walk around naked and barefoot whenever I feel like it. I want to have complete access to my own fridge in the middle of the night when I have a craving. I want to have room to use my weights more frequently. I want to be able to have company over, and entertain rather than have to go out to mingle with friends. I want to have conversations in the complete privacy of my OWN 4 walls. I want to have a mess for a day and not hear about it from anyone. I want to have a clean place because I have enough room to properly organize all my clothes and belongings. I want to be able to do a load of laundry without having to add someone else's clothes to mine, to then have to separate it again when the load is finished. I want to be able to have my own pet, if and when I choose to have one. I want to be able to invite my significant other over to relax with me. I want to have my own television (eventhough I will hardly ever watch it), I just want to have the control of the remote control.
My stepmom said that she is concerned I will not finish college soon enough, and that her concern about that stems from her wanting me to "begin my life". I thought about this all afternoon and evening. Am I not alive??? I feel like I need my autonomy. I have a good life, and I don't believe that the begining is when I finish college. I believe I'm already living it. If anything, I am going to be "starting over" again when I move into my own place.
Now for the tough part...Rent or Own???
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