Current mood: 
calm
I believe love is a commitment we make despite our other inclinations. Until recently I never even imagined I could possibly, in the absence of threats to life and limb, want to make such a commitment anytime soon. I've mentioned before that I thought it would happen when and if I "FELL in love"… but most assuredly, I have to get there first! I don't know if I really believe in love at first sight, but maybe I do believe that there is a supernatural connection that is experienced that draws two people together; and I believe in intuition and sensing that the two of you have a connection beyond sensible explanation. I believe that the first time that your eyes lock is a definitive moment. If you look closely, in most individuals you will encounter a "wall". It is a rare occurrence that the first time you look into someone's eyes you are able to look all the way to a soul, and in a sense, feel as if you are sure you WILL know this individual.
Love, to me, however, can mostly be summed up in the following synopsis: One day after you've known each other for a while and gone through the first level of growth and developmental changes required of a new relationship, and successfully made it through to the next stage despite the challenges, or pauses, simply because you want to - by virtue of your desire to make it through; you realize your life has been changed, your dreams, and you because of the presence of that individual. Your life would be left with a huge void if they should part from it...and you're overwhelmed with this huge catharsis and perhaps an anxiety that you've never experienced before when you realize you cannot live without them; because your life is not just yours alone anymore. I haven't gotten to this next level, but I believe that's what happens.
I believe that perhaps it all begins with the feeling of a rope around your heart squeezing tightly. You fight it at first because you've never been this vulnerable and lacked this much power over a situation. Then, you realize it's not you that holds the other end of that rope; you seem to have transferred title of it. It's as if something or someone else took over you, but you let them do so fully and willingly. You are no longer who you once were, but definitely better. You cannot go back to being the same person because you have found yourself becoming the person you were meant to be. Something about that individual being present, or sometimes even removing themselves from your life is making you move, motivating you to change your old behaviors, inspiring you to become and live out your true potential. They hold the key, and your job now becomes to find the right doors to open.
I can't say how the rest goes…I've never experienced the rest. Maybe I just haven't been the right partner, maybe I just haven't worked hard enough to make it through the first level, maybe it just wasn't the right time, or maybe time for just a short while seemed rushed and I was afraid…? I've listened to my gut and known from the beginning that the people I've been with in the past haven't been the ones with whom I've wanted to make it to the other side…But I know I can...I know I desire nothing more. That's why I believe there's something to be said for waiting. -Sometimes people come into your life for a specific reason, and when that purpose has been accomplished, they leave. But what about the one's that don't leave...or the ones that come back??? It's good to spend some time at trying to discover why someone is in your life and what lesson(s) they bring/take with them.
Never before in the history of me have I been so present in my actions, my words and my thoughts. Despite the whirlwind in my mind, I've managed to keep my wits about me after "falling" into the abyss of what happens when you move before you're ready to, or before you're sure you want to. What is just is and can only bloom (or not) if you let nature take its course. Sure, one has to feed and water a thing to make it grow…but doesn't nature take care of that too? Sometimes a thing is not meant to grow and nature sees fit to let it die. At the same time, time has shown us that pruning a vine can lengthen its life and increase it's fruitfulness. I think this is true also about paying attention to when things and people and places need some extra care and attention to thrive lest desperation and rash decisions lead us all down a path of destruction.
