A response

KRISTIN'S BLOG: 23 February 2007 17:43hrs, Friday

The other day a wise friend (my Yoda) told me that they heard a song that reminded them of "you and your many women" (song posted at the bottom)...so I gave it a lil look/listen and here is what I am thinking......

Why is it that when I find someone that I am totally into and that I can really see something progressing with...they are unattainable, unavailable, complicated, not ready, etc....

But then I will go out and meet all of these other girls that I just don't feel 'it' with. Some of these girls would be perfect for me....I know they would do everything in their power to sweep me off of my feet and give me the world. Why then is what they offer not as appealing to me? I find little things to pick apart, small reasons not to like them.

Could it be my heart protecting its self by only 'falling' for people it can't happen with, am I for some reason still 'not ready' to meet that one person? Or is there more than one 'right person'?

But who is to say when you are ready? Are you ever really ready? If you feel ready for something, (I have decided) that you are probably the furthest thing from ready. Being 'ready' in some ways means you aren't close to ready. Otherwise, why would everyone say it's when you stop being 'ready' or looking that you meet that special person?

Or could this all be because I am too picky about who I 'crush' over? Is there a such thing as being too picky? I mean really, I think that just means that you know what you want. …right?

What is really funny to me is that a lot of people have told me recently that I am hard to capture for a date or that I am hard to reel in. ….Then, there are the select few times where I really have liked someone and felt something...then from them I have heard that I am 'too intense'.... really? Seriously? What is this?

Cumulatively, I think everyone has crazy mixed up views on what love is and how it should go. On what dating really means how soul mate searching should end. We are all looking for that perfect story with that perfect person. Sometimes I wonder if the people who find happiness really just alter their standards and compromise themselves to find EITHER the perfect person OR the perfect story/life with someone. I mean does ANY couple EVER really have it all? Is that perfect vision of happiness even feasible anymore?

I guess the only way to find out is to alter and subordinate my standards on life, love, and the pursuit of happiness. This however is not something I am willing to do anytime soon. I would rather continue staring naively into the future and searching for that person that encompasses all of the things I look for while also captivating my heart with every movement. Call me crazy, but I am not willing to give up hope that somewhere out there someone is thinking these same things and waiting to find me. I will continue to have faith in love. Perhaps this is why I enjoy teaching... I watch the children with their obscured vision of what life holds in store for them and their false sense of realism... and sometimes, if only for a moment, I can see the world through the blind eyes of a child... where you really can do an be anything you set your mind to. Where dreams come true and all you have to do is want something badly enough. Once you grow up you realize, that while this is partly true, there are also a lot of obstacles and trials one must face throughout the journey before one ever catches a glimpse of the destination they have set out upon.

So, I am deeply sorry if anyone has ever felt this way…. Because there have been a few times in my life where I have felt this too…

"Leave The Pieces"

You're not sure that you love me
But you're not sure enough to let me go
Baby it ain't fair you know
To just keep me hangin' 'round

You say you don't wanna hurt me
Don't want to see my tears
So why are you still standing here
Just watching me drown

[Chorus]
And it's alright, yeah I'll be fine
Don't worry 'bout this heart of mine
Just take your love and hit the road
There's nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just leave the pieces when you go

You can drag out the heartache
Baby you can make it quick
Really get it over with
And just let me move on

Don't concern yourself
With this mess you've left for me
I can clean it up, you see
Just as long as you're gone

[Chorus]

You not making up your mind
Is killing me and wasting time
I need so much more than that
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

[Chorus]

Leave the pieces when you go
Oh, yeah
Leave the pieces when you go
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Leave the pieces when you go

My RESPONSE:

Life is about growth, which is wonderful, though not always easy. Indeed, many of life's lessons can be painful or difficult. Yet, such challenges are often the ones that present the most opportunity for personal growth. Initiations for growth come in many forms...the best form being people that come into your life. It's taken me a long time to be able to view each challenge in life as an opportunity to learn and grow, though. While these disruptions in life have never been easy, I later look back and always find them as having been necessary. The challenges have seemed unbearable at times: a job I don't want to spend another day at, a broken heart that feels as if it will never heal, a long and painful illness...I've experienced many more than just those. But then, there are the challenges that can be just as scary because of being called to step up to the plate in ways that I thought I was not yet ready for: overcoming my fears in order to realize a lifelong dream, leaving behind a situation or people in my life that I have outgrown, moving across the world, or compromising my ways for a partner.
At such times as these, it probably feels as if the world is testing you and that life is asking more of you than you think you can give. You might feel uncomfortable, frightened, and unsure of what to do. Letting go of old safety measures, shifting old patterns of behavior, and stepping into the abyss of the unknown are the toughest things I have had to face. But when I have risen to the occasion in the past, I ended up better off for having made that journey. I inevitably became more compassionate to the challenges of others and wiser in the ways of the world. My faith in my family, my close friends, loved ones, and in God has grown over the last few years because, ultimately, I can't help but realize how much I have been supported and taken care of at all times!

I can’t tell you what you need to learn, and I can’t tell you why “so and so” is in your life, but I can guarantee that there is SOMETHING that you need to learn. There’s a lesson there that you haven’t grasped, and life is giving you every opportunity to get it right. The next relationship you will be in will be different from the ones you’ve had in the past.—I know you’re thinking, “DUH!” What I mean by that is you seem to be looking for something better than you’ve had…something for the long-haul. Given the expectations of what you’re looking for, of course you are not going to be satisfied with anything less!

I don’t know what it is that makes you “tick”. I don’t know what gives you that feeling of excitement, awe, amazement and curiosity in a person. But I do know about myself. I know that I could have sat down and written the exact same words you just wrote above on any given day within the last 3 months. I feel the exact same way. I too have fallen for the same kind of girls, and had girls fall for me that I returned no feelings towards as well.—They too had a lot to offer, and I’m sure would have done everything in the world to “make me happy,” but I would have never allowed for that. In my case, there have been many things that I had yet to prove to myself I was capable of. I am highly goal-oriented, and very independent.—So, naturally I want to conquer all my dreams. My first thought is that I have fallen for types that have not reciprocated because deep down I knew that things were never going to go anywhere…therefore I would never have to alter my dreams or ambitions for them…I would never have to compromise myself!

About being "picky"...It's good to be picky. At the same time, you should consider the options you have, and the people in your life. Think hard about what is more important...that they embody the exact idea you have in your head of a "love-story" or that together you can share a happy and fulfilled life together? I say this and go back to my statement before about not having to compromise myself...

The absense of compromises is the death of all relationships. At the same time, the presense of compromises is the growth of all relationships.

Other relationships have taken precedence in my life BEFORE a romantic relationship could be my priority; my family…and there has always been enough to be worked on there to keep me plenty occupied. I have always felt like your family relationships need to be healthy and welcoming enough to successfully accept a new non-blood related member. When you marry someone, you not only marry them, but their family as well. In the past, I never felt like my family life was warm enough to welcome a life-partner into…and I know that’s why none of my relationships ever reached their true potential.—Although most of them embodied many qualities that I still look for in a life-long relationship. The fuel to the growth of my relationship with my parents was not some magical story...it was a long-term committment I made to sacrifice and make compromises. I forgave, what they never asked forgiveness for...and in turn, they made changes and compromises. Nothing would have ever gotten better, though, without one party making the decision to sacrifice and compromise. We are all the same people; just better at compromising.

About the “feeling ready”…I have come to conclude that NO…you can never truly be “ready” for that right person. If you were “ready,” then you wouldn’t need anyone. People come into your life to make you grow into a better person! I have many lessons to learn, and many things to change. But what I am NOT lacking is potential, passion, and desire. I think those things count for most all growth in my life. So, am I “looking” for that “right” person? No. Am I open for the “right” person…absolutely!

Hope this made sense. :)

Written in The Lesbian Lifestyle

Goodbye

I am now saying goodbye to all those times I laid my head on your shoulder, those times you held me protectively in your arms, to the first times with you, those times I got lost in your kisses, your touch, your hands, your mouth, those times I felt one with you, to see you smile, to feel you beside me as I wrap you in my arms to protect you from all your fears and worries, to hear you speak, to hear your stories, your trials, your sorrows, your triumphs, to all the breathtakingly wonderful things you have done for me, to all the things I have done for you, to be touched, to be needed, to be loved, to understand and be understood, to accept and be accepted, to the time I believed all the things you said, to hold on to the promises you once told me you would always keep, to being vulnerable, to surrendering, to trusting wholeheartedly, to the time I gave my heart and soul in your care, to be conquered willingly, to the time when my world revolved around you, to the nights I never gave in, to the times when I was blind to see that many have changed, the nights you left me alone, the time you betrayed me, when you threw away all that we had, all that I am, all that I could give, the time you made my world crumble, crushed my soul, shattered all that I held dear, trampled on my dreams, the time you unceasingly became so unreasonably honest not minding much how I truly felt, to all the blows I had to take, to all the strikes I had to endure, to all the anguish I had to keep, to all the smiles I had to put on, to the slow death that was happening in me, to all the tears, the anger, the hatred, the shadows, the walls, to playing, to uncertainties, to fears, to hope and to wish.

All these I shall now leave at the door.
Here is to closure, here is to the end.
Goodbye.

by Dr. Christy Capen, and revised by me

PLEASE TAKE THE TIME TO READ THIS... EVEN IF YOU ONLY HAVE TIME TO READ IT ONE PARAGRAPH AT A TIME. I HAVE ADDED MY OWN COMMENTARY IN BOLD CAPS BELOW. YOU SHOULD FEEL FREE TO COMMENT AS WELL. I HOPE THIS HELPS SOMEONE!

-CHRISTY

In our Judeo-Christian society, the documents collectively known as the Bible serve as the primary guide on most issues. It is interesting that many Christians take literally the references to homosexual acts, while interpreting other text with great flexibility. One person reported listening to a nationally-known woman speak in her campaign against homosexuality. She spent quite a bit of time quoting impressively from Leviticus. The listener accepted much of what the speaker said until he realized that, by Levitical standards, the crusader herself had broken many biblical laws she spoke in church (1 Corinthians 14:34), she taught men (1 Timothy 2:12), she was wearing a dress made of cotton and polyester (Deuteronomy 22:11), and others of which he was probably unaware.

What does the Bible really say about homosexuality? Actually, very little. Most significantly, Jesus said nothing at all. Considering the relatively small amount of attention the Bible pays to the subject, we must ask ourselves why this is such a volatile issue. Other subjects about which the scriptures say a great deal (e.g. judgment, pride, hypocrisy) receive much less passionate attention. Before looking at specific passages, it is important to note that everyone understands the scriptures based on, and through, the light of what they have been taught. The Bible was not written in a cultural void, and many of its instructions and laws are simply classified as less relevant today (e.g. prohibition against eating pork).

Nowhere does the Bible actually address the idea of persons being lesbian or gay. The statements are, without exception, directed to certain homosexual acts. Early writers had no understanding of homosexuality as a psychosexual orientation. That truth is a relatively recent discovery. The biblical authors were referring to homosexual acts performed by persons they assumed were heterosexuals.

The Sodom Story
A chief text used to condemn homosexuality is the Sodom story (Genesis 19:1-29), often interpreted as showing God's abhorrence of homosexuality. In the story, two angels, in the form of men, are sent to the home of Lot in Sodom. While they are there, the men of the city both young and old, surrounded the house - everyone without exception and demanded that the visitors be brought out so that we might know them. (Genesis 19: 4-5) Lot begged the men to leave his guests alone and take his daughters instead. The men of the city became angry and stormed the door. As a result, they were all struck blind by the angels.

There are several problems with the traditional interpretation of this passage. Whether or not the intent of the men of Sodom was sexual, the inhospitality and injustice coming from the mob, and that generally characterized the community, were the sin of Sodom. (Ezekial 16:49-50, Isaiah 13:19, Jeremiah 49:18; 50:40) Jesus himself refers to the inhospitality of Sodom. (Luke 10:10-13) If the men were indeed homosexuals, then why would Lot offer them his daughters? What is threatened here is rape. The significant point, then, is that all rape is considered horrible by God. The story deserves another reading.

It should be noted that not all of the men of Sodom could have been homosexual or there would have been no need to destroy them. If they had all been homosexuals, they would have all died off leaving no heirs. Quite likely, they were a mixed group of evil men attempting to be abusive to people who were different. Ironically, lesbian and gay people are often the victim of that same sin.
Although the traditional interpretation of the Sodom story fails as an argument against homosexuality, there are several other Old Testament passages that do condemn homosexual acts. Again, it should be noted that these passages do not deal with same-sex orientation nor is there any reference to genital love between lesbian or gay persons.

THE SIN OF SODOM: HERE IS A LIST OF THINGS FOR WHICH THE BIBLE CONDEMS THE SODOMITES. PRIDE, EXCESS OF FOOD, BEING PROSPEROUS BUT REFUSING TO AIDE THE NEEDY, EXPOSING THEIR PRIVATE PARTS TO OTHERS, HATING FOREIGNERS, ASSAULTING THEIR NEIGHBORS WIFE, RAPING AND PILAGING THEIR NEIGHBORS LAND AND HOUSE. And MOST IMPORTANTLY THEY WERE IMPIOUS TO THE DIVINITY! WHEN ONE TALKS ABOUT THE SIN OF SODOM THIS IS WHAT IS MEANT. HOMOSEXUALITY IS NOT MENTIONED HERE. RAPE IS THE ONLY SEXUAL ACT THAT CAN BE INTERPRETETED FROM THIS PASSAGE, AND AS STATED BY THE ABOVE AUTHOR IS WRONG WHETHER IT BE BETWEEN PEOPLE OF THE SAME GENDER OR NOT! THE NATURAL LOVE BETWEEN 2 BEINGS OF THE SAME GENDER IS NOT WHAT IS CONDEMED IN THIS PASSAGE.

Homosexual Acts
Of thousands of Old Testament passages, only two make explicit reference to homosexual acts: Leviticus 18:22 and Leviticus 20:13. Both of these passages are a part of the Levitical holiness code, which is not kept by any Christian group. If it was enforced, almost every Christian would be excommunicated or executed. It has been logically argued that science and progress have made many of the Levitical laws irrelevant. For example, fundamentalist author Tim LaHaye states that, although Levitical laws prohibit intercourse during menstruation, medical authorities do not view it as harmful, and, therefore, it should not be viewed as sinful. He further explains, Those laws were given 3,500 years ago before showers and baths were convenient, before tampons, disinfectants and other improved means of sanitation had been invented. (The Act of Marriage, p.275) With that, LaHaye makes this law irrelevant and rightly so. Ironically, though, in his book, The Unhappy Gay, the Levitical laws are one of the chief cornerstones of his arguments. Much of the holiness code is now irrelevant for us as moral law. Thus, having children, which was of exceptional importance to the early Hebrews, is now made less relevant by overpopulation, just as the prohibition against eating pork and shellfish has been made irrelevant by refrigeration.

THIS PASSAGE IS AN EXCELLENT DEMONSTRATION ABOUT HOW MANY OF THE LAWS OF THE BIBLE ARE BASED HEAVILY ON CULTURE AND NECCESSITY. (IM NOT SAYING THERE IS NO MORAL OR ETHICAL VALUE IN THE BIBLE JUST THAT MANY OF THE SPECIFIC LAWS CLEARLY SERVED A PURPOSE BOUND TO THAT ERA/CULTURE.) DURING THIS TIME PERIOD CIVILIZATION WAS PRIMARILY CONCERNED WITH SURVIVAL. UNLIKE THE PROBLEMS WE FACE TODAY, THEY FACED AN UNDERPOPULATION PROBLEM. THEREFORE, IT WAS OF UTMOST OF IMPORTANCE FOR THE FAMILY TO CONTINUE THEIR LEGACY BY MARRYING OFF THEIR YOUNG BOYS AND GIRLS AS EARLY AS THEY COULD. THIS ALLOWED THEM TO MAXIMIZE THE FERTILITY OF A COUPLE AND BEGIN REPRODUCING SHORTLY AFTER THE FEMALE BEGAN MENSES (AROUND AGE 12-13) UP UNTIL SHORTLY BEFORE SHE REACHED MENOPAUSE (AGES 35- 40. KEEP IN MIND THAT ALTHOUGH THE BIBLE STATES SOME PEOPLE WERE NEARLY 400 YRS OLD. THEIR LIFE SPAN WAS ABOUT HALF OF WHAT OUR IS NOW. TODAY'S WOMEN ENTER MENSES AROUND 50.) RELIGIOUS AND CULTURAL BELIEFS WERE CONSTRUCTED ON A BASIS OF THE CONTINUITY ON THEIR CIVILIZATION WHICH MEANT THEY HAD TO REPRODUCE. IN ADDITION, ANY KIND OF SEXUAL ACT (ORAL/FOREPLAY) WAS WRONG. SEXUAL ACTIVITY WAS ONLY TO REPRODUCE THIS IS WHY BIRTH CONTROL IS SO CONTROVESIAL FOR MANY CHRISTIANS, EVEN TODAY! HAVING INTERCOURSE WHILE ONE IS MENSTRUATING CLEARY THEN WOULD NOT RESULT IN OFFSPRING.

The Bible never addresses the issue of homosexual love, yet it does have several beautiful examples of same-sex love. David's love for Jonathan was said to exceed his love for women. (2 Samuel 1:26) Ruth's relationship with Naomi is an example of a deep, bonding love, and Ruths words of covenant to Naomi are often used in heterosexual wedding ceremonies. (Ruth 1:16-17) The Bible clearly values love between persons of the same sex.

Jesus' Attitude
In the New Testament there is no record of Jesus saying anything about homosexuality. This ought to strike us as very odd in light of the great threat to Christianity, family life and the American way that some would have us believe homosexuality is. Jesus saw injustice and religious hypocrisy as a far greater threat to the Realm of God.


Paul's References
Paul's statement in Romans 1:18-32 has been taken as the strongest New Testament rejection of homosexuality. He is concerned about the influence of the pagan culture on the Roman Christians. After giving a detailed description of a world that exchanged the truth of God for a lie and worshipped and served created things rather than the Creator, he continues, Therefore, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lusts for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men and received in themselves the due penalty of their perversion.

A complete reading of these passages, in their original context, clearly shows that what Paul was actually referring to was homosexual temple prostitution, which was performed by various cults (though far more cults used heterosexual prostitution). Again, Paul is not referring to same-sex love, and he clearly has no concept of persons for whom this lifestyle is natural.

Paul's other reference to homosexual acts in 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 is similar to 1 Timothy 1:8-11. These two passages contain lists of persons to be excluded from the Realm of God. The interpretation of these passages depends on two Greek words that have always presented a problem for translators. In the King James Version, they are translated effeminate and abusers of themselves with mankind. In the Revised Standard Version, they were combined and rendered as homosexuals, however, these are not the Greek words for homosexual, so these translations reflects the scholars' bias. The New International Version illustrates the difference in these two words by translating them male prostitute and homosexual offenders. The Jerusalem Bible uses the terms catamites and sodomites. Catamites were youth kept especially for sexual purpose, who were usually paid large sums of money. Neither passage refers to persons of same-sex orientation but to people who used their sexuality for personal gain.

The Love of Christ
Jesus did a great deal to change many social customs and ideas. He elevated the position of women, and, ultimately, they were his best and most faithful disciples. He did this by example and by commandments that were absolutely inclusive of the rights of all people. Yet, in the name of the Christ whose love encompassed all, the Church has been the most homophobic of all institutions. This should not be surprising when we realize that the Church is still the largest institution which is primarily racially segregated.

The final, and central, message of the New Testament is that ALL persons are loved by God so much that God's Son was sent as a means of redemption from a disease by which we are all afflicted. The cure for this disease cannot be found in any set of actions. Neither homosexuality nor heterosexuality is redemptive. God's love through Christ was given to all people.